Yelena Pakhomova

The Friendship Paradox 

A couple of weeks ago, The Atlantic published an article on the friendship paradox. It said that we all want more time with our friends, but we're spending more time alone. Researchers point out that we opt for being on our phones in our downtime partly because scheduling time with our friends is becoming increasingly difficult. 

Maintaining relationships with other people where you can have a regular presence in each other's lives comes with multiple challenges: less leisure time (especially for older millennials, 35-44 years old, with young kids), the efforts involved in organizing a gathering, the distance needed to travel to meet up.  

Another fascinating sociological observation the article makes is that friendship is becoming a privilege. It says, "People with more resources are now better able to maintain friendships than disadvantaged people."

Making Connection Possible 

I've worked with groups of all kinds and in various contexts for 20 years now: as a teacher, in the nonprofit world, in the mission field in Central Asia, and in the church. To this day, I believe that the power and beauty of bringing a small group of people together in a room lies in the connection that is made possible. 

There's no lack of research on how important social connection is for human beings. Health researcher, Emily Nagoski PHD, sees connection as a form of nutrition that our minds and bodies need as much as food. Data from 70 different studies tells us that social isolation and loneliness increase our odds of an early death by 25-30 percent.

We know that connection can be the start of our healing, the beginning of a great friendship, a step toward a different and better life, and a source of strength. Yet, in our atomized world, connection is challenging to pursue. 

How Commons Can Help

One of the things Commons Groups offers is a consistent experience of connection in the form and context that works with your life at the moment. Most of our long-term groups meet every other week. Our short-term groups meet weekly for four to six weeks, and our drop-in groups connect about once a month. 

Groups offer more than simply removing the difficulty of scheduling regular contact with others. As with any other human gathering, they open up the possibility for learning, healing, and, yes, even friendship. 

You just need to be open to the work of mutual self-revelation and bring the real you to the meetings.

On Offer This Fall 

What can you explore this fall? 

• Some of our long-term groups would love to expand their circle and welcome new people.

• We have a new young professionals group launching in October.

• We are working on a group for university students and a group for parents of youth.
   

• Our short-term group offerings are: 

  • "How I Hold on to Faith" – work through the current series with Scott.

  • "Burnout, Balance, and Beyond" – a reading group for women to unpack the particularities of burnout and what to do with it.

  • Online group: "Jesus on Judgement" – dive deeper into our series on the parables of judgement.

If you are curious about what's involved in starting or co-leading a group, I'd love to chat with you. I am currently looking for people interested in creating those meeting opportunities for older millennials with kids, wink-wink. 

And if joining a group is not going to work for you this season, but you are curious about the link between connection, healing, and social transformation, this book by Prentis Hemphill is fantastic – What It Takes to Heal: How Transforming Ourselves Can Change the World.

To join a long-term group, fill out the Groups form here. 

To jump into a short-term group, check Upcoming Events to sign up.