Five Tips for Good Endings
THE NEWSLETTER
Dig Into Big Ideas at Commons
Five Tips for Good Endings
How to end a group, commitment, or season well.
By Yelena Pakhomova
At the end of every Group season, I offer a debriefing exercise for Groups to look back and reflect on their year. I believe that all the meaning-making of a season deserves a good ending.
Good endings matter because they do so much for us. They allow us to appreciate what has transpired. They allow us to take stock of our relationships and how we have changed by spending time together. And good endings set us up for new beginnings.
Whether you have been part of a Group at Commons or not, I am sure you’re looking forward to taking a break from something this summer, or maybe you are processing an end to a season in your life. So let me share five tips for turning endings into closings.
You may even want to write these out in your journal with space to process, or grab a friend and have a processing session over coffee.
Welcome the ending. “These things have served their purpose: let them be.” – T.S. Elliot. Sometimes keeping something alive can be more draining than letting it go. Some of our long-term groups have wrapped up for good. And it is part of the natural life of a group with its beginning, middle, and end. If a gathering, group, or season has fulfilled its purpose, let’s not be afraid to let it go.
Look inward with gratitude. Remembering and acknowledging what has happened with gratitude can help us reframe our experience and approach it open-heartedly. Take a moment to finish this sentence: What I appreciated about our group (or this season in my life) is ... Be specific: These three things have made our time together (or this time in my life) good: ...
Reflect on your takeaways. The field of interpersonal neurobiology shows us that we find healing when our brains rewire through healthy practices of vulnerability in a safe group. We all heal when we share our stories and empathize with those who entrust their stories to us. Complete the following: This is how being part of the group has impacted me this year ... Or, These parts of me have been given space to come to the surface or grow ...
Look outward with intention. As you emerge from the season of being together and leave that world behind (for a time or for good), think about how it can set you up for a new beginning. Make a quick list in response to this: What will help us take this group to the next level is ... Or, If I were to do it again, this is what I want to cultivate in myself and/or together with others ...
Create your own closing. Sometimes our endings are not picture-perfect. Life gets hectic, endings are unplanned, and seasons go unmarked. So, go ahead and create a closure that works for you. Go for a gratitude walk, chat with a friend, send a thank-you email or a text to the people in your group, buy yourself a coffee and journal for 15 minutes. Say a simple prayer about what that season meant for you. And move on with grace!
As I bring this Newsletter to a good end, I leave you with this blessing.
Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.
~ John O'Donohue