Intimacy and Risk

Bobbi Salkeld

Jan 19

Written By Kevin Borst

Sunday, January 19, 2025

Scriptures: John 12:1-7

In the last sermon in our series, The Art Of, Bobbi looks at the story of Mary anointing Jesus is John 12.
Those Three Friends: Bobbi highlights the close relationship between Mary, Martha, Lazarus, and Jesus, and then unpacks the palpable intimacy that is displayed over dinner when Mary boldly anoints Jesus’ feet with costly perfume and wipes his feet with her hair. Mary’s actions and the closeness portrayed in the story defy convention.
Opposite of Safety: Judas objects that Mary’s behaviour is wasteful but that objection only reveals his own struggle with greed and his resistance to intimacy. Bobbi made a point that our fear, envy, and a need for self-protection can isolate us, keeping us from the connections we crave and need. From the very thing that can heal us.
Ethics of Intimacy: Jesus defends Mary. For him, presence and authentic relationships are more important than practicality or rules. Bobbi questioned our tendency to rely on rules and boundaries to manage intimacy, and encouraged us toward a deeper, more personal engagement with love and trust, which requires discernment and rigorous reflection on what it means to be a human being in a relationship.
Risk: True intimacy involves vulnerability and a willingness to take risks, even if the outcomes are uncertain. “Because in the pursuit of intimacy – in the art of intimacy you will find out who you are, and how much you already love God, and just how worth it the risk of closeness really is.”
Community is shaped by the conversations we share. These questions and reflections are a tool to help you meaningfully engage with the themes of this week's teaching.
Connect: On a scale from 1 to 10, how comfortable are you with taking risks to build intimacy in a relationship, and why do you think that is?
Share: Kind of connected to the previous question and the story in John 12 —Judas’ objection to Mary’s actions reflects his struggle with greed and safety or self-protection.

Share about how does fear of vulnerability show up in your own life and relationships? How do you navigate this tension between staying safe and stepping into vulnerability and the risk of closeness?
What helps you feel safe enough to open up, and what might make you hesitate or hold back?

Here’s a quote from Bobbi to focus the question for you:
“We’re told that Judas wants that perfume money for himself.
Now greed is not an emotion, it’s a behavioural drive. And what fuels greed is intensely emotional.
Fear
Inadequacy
Envy
With feelings like that bottled up, I imagine that Judas has been avoiding intimacy.
I mean, just look around the room. Lazarus and Jesus recline together. Martha makes the meal. Mary moves to get as close as she possibly can to Jesus. They are all pulled toward him.
But Judas stands outside that celebratory, intimate scene.
And as Judas watches their closeness, he objects. “Enough. Enough already. All of this has gone too far.” And deep inside Judas squirrels an anxiety that is in all of us too – the impulse to stay away from the very thing we know can heal us.”
Reflect: Reflect on the point that Bobbi makes in the sermon:
“There’s no protective boundary drawn around you that will keep pain and tragedy at bay. Jesus didn’t protect himself from the fullness of being human, and he won’t protect you either. Intimacy requires vulnerability. Even Jesus didn’t skip past that part.”
What challenges or maybe encourages you about this idea that true intimacy involves trusting others even when betrayal is a possibility? And that risk in relationship is part of the fullness of our human experience?
Bobbi argued that that in anointing Jesus’ feet and soaking up the perfume with her hair, Mary gets anointed too — there is no part of Jesus’ life that Mary does not now share as his disciple.
How can our pursuit of our own human flourishing through close connections and intimacy in relationships with God and each other reflect and deepen our discipleship?
Engage: with the ethics of intimacy.
Reflecting on ethics of intimacy, Bobbi challenged rule-based approaches to intimacy:
“I think Christians have long been masters at making rules so that people don’t get hurt in the mess they make of intimacy. Sometimes, these rules are well meaning. Other times, they are meant to keep people in submissive places. But rules like this extinguish the spark of life.
Our rules about not having sex before marriage, or the Billy Graham rule where men don’t spend time alone with women who aren’t their wives, or even denying chemistry when it happens outside our marriages
Because rules guarantee nothing.
In fact, I think they keep us from healing ourselves. They keep us from wrestling with intimacy. Really figuring out what is good and right and true for us and for others. Look, I’m for boundaries and values that are right for you – but only because you choose them, not because they were forced upon you.
We think rules will do the work of intimacy for us, but they will not. Rules aren’t alive with nuance and joy and justice – we are.
But here’s the thing: there are no rules strong enough to keep Judas from stepping outside the bonds of closeness. And there are no rules that could hold Mary back from pushing even farther into the love she has for her friend, Jesus.”
What are some "rules" or boundaries you've encountered in faith communities? Do you find that they mostly align or conflict with Jesus’ approach to love and relationships?
This is a big one, so feel free to keep reflecting on it after your discussion, what kind of work is required to form a personal ethics of intimacy as opposed to a rule-based ethics?
Why is it important for you personally to have and practice such ethics?
Take away: What is one risk you feel called to take in your relationships this week to deepen intimacy or connection?
Prayer from the sermon:
Loving God,
For the gift of friendship,
For the love in our lives,
For the desires we kindle,
For the passions that draw us out into the world,
For the joy good stories and kind gestures,
For the generosity and shared work of making a community
And a society together
We say thank you.
As we go into the week wondering how to stay open to intimacy
Or how to make healthier the loves we have in our lives
Won’t you walk with us
And might we see you through those who walk with us too.
Spirit of the living God, present with us now.
Enter the place of our loneliness and longing, and heal us of all that harms us.
Amen.
CALL TO WORSHIP Psalm 139
MUSIC Curated by Kevin & Alyssa Borst
Phil Wickham - Praise the Lord
Brooke Ligertwood - Bless God
Brooke Ligertwood - Holy Song
The McClures - Reign Above It All
SERIES BUMPER
The Art of