David and Jonathan

Sunday, February 16, 2025

Scriptures: 1 Sam 18-20

• Sermon Summary

  In the fourth sermon of our Becoming King series we look at the same story we did last week, only this time through the lens of David's relationship with his best friend Jonathan. Jeremy explores the significance of surrounding yourself with honest trustworthy friends.

  Paranoia: When David and Saul return home from defeating the Philistines, some women come and sing their praises to Saul the king, “Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.” Jeremy argues that the Hebrew used in the song does not carry the same weight of comparison as our English translations imply, it literally says “they both killed a lot of people.” However, the comparison of translation is true in depicting Saul’s perception that David is out to get him, we see how Saul slides into mistrust, anxiety and paranoia. It still holds true for us today, if we start to look for demons in every dark corner, we will start to see them everywhere.

  Uncertainty: David says, “I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.” Jeremy shares that there is nothing inherently sexual in the language of this verse and other verses where their love is mentioned. Men in particular are not good at expressing love for each other. And the “uncertainty reduction theory” teaches us that there are many ways for us to communicate and even increase closeness.

  Friendship: David and Jonathan’s relationship is played out in a number of scenarios. One way we can see this friendship at work in the way that Jonathan defends David to his father, ensuring David’s safety. Saul promises not to kill David because Jonathan speaks the truth about David. One of the gifts of this friendship was that David could trust Jonathan to represent him fairly.

  Honesty: David implores Jonathan to ask his father why he’s out to get David—effectively giving Jonathan an opportunity to tell David what he might no want to hear. Their trust and love is built in these moments. Jeremy shares how feedback from a trusted friend who pushes back when it matters is vital to healthy living. David and Jonathan’s story teaches us that those types of friendships are ones we should work to cultivate and cherish.

• Discussion Guide

  Community is shaped by the conversations we share. These questions and reflections are a tool to help you meaningfully engage with the themes of this week's teaching.

  Connect: Saul misreads the women’s praises as comparison between himself and David. Feel free to share a time when you misread a situation only to realize it was not what you had originally thought.

  Share: about how love is portrayed or perceived in our society today.
  David expresses his love for Jonathan multiple times in the scriptures.

  Consider what Jeremy says,

  “I don't have any problem with queer theologians seeing themselves reflected in this relationship. I think we are, all of us, reading ourselves into the scripture when we engage it—this is the point of reading deeply…

  But there is nothing inherently sexual about the language in this text. And I think our attempts to either push in that direction, or to run screaming away from it, betray a lack of imagination in how our society has taught us to think about love

  …

  David and Jonathan are not just bros, they are human beings that have cultivated the art of intimacy. And what they have found is that in the final analysis—as David explains—this relationship has become even more important than just sexuality.”

  What are some of the ways you feel like our culture and society taught you to think about love?
  
  Men are not the only ones who sometimes struggle with expressing love in friendships, sometimes we all struggle with that due to all kinds of reasons and family history.
  How do you try to practice expressing love in your friendships?

  Reflect: on the place of honesty in friendship. David trusts Jonathan in both regards -Jonathan will be able to represent him fairly to Saul and speak honestly about him, and Jonathan can be trusted to speak honestly to David when David needs and wants to hear the truth about himself.

  In the beginning and the end of the sermon, Jeremy reminds us that both Saul and David are surrounded by people who speak into their ear what they want to hear.

  “but I want to pay attention to these questions from David [to Jonathan]:
  What have I done, what is my crime?

  Both men heard what they wanted to hear: David’s men tell him to go and kill Saul.

  Saul’s men tell him that David is out to get him—that he has to end him.

  But here, David is asking for the opposite. And you know what, maybe David is expecting Jonathan to back him up. But the point is, he still asks the question. He gives his friend the chance to shatter his illusions. He opens the opportunity for his friend to tell him exactly what he does not want to know about himself…

  And that is important. ”

  What do you think is the place of honesty in friendship? And how can it be practiced in a way that is healing and uplifting and not destroying?

  Have you had friendships where honesty slid into negativity, or may be friendships where honesty was avoided out of fear to hurt each others feelings?

  How are those friendships doing today, and if not great, what would you have done differently?

  Engage: Consider Jeremy’s words:

  “You see I’m convinced that this David, before he’s king, before he’s surrounded by yes men, before he’s encircled by the power that stops people from answering him honestly, I’m convinced that this David can choose well because he has friends like Jonathan.

  And you and I, we would do well to cultivate relationships like that, learning from the best of David’s story before we have to learn for the worst of it.”

  What do you think it takes to cultivate a friendship like this?

  If your group is up for a little collaborative work, it can be great if you can spend 15 min to come up with a list of practices for cultivating or deepening friendships in your life. Give people 4 minutes to reflect on their own, to gather their thoughts and to jot down a personal list, and then take 10 min to create a list of good friendship practices together.

  Takeaway: Feel free to share any takeaways you got from the message or today’s conversation?

  Prayer from the sermon:
  God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, God of David and God of Saul, God of the distressed and indebted, the discouraged and the hopeful, would you remind us today that you are just as present to each of us, in this moment of history, as you have been through all the long story of your people.

  As so we read of King David today, of the political intrigue and the national instability, would you remind us that you are, and have always been, the true source.

  And, that when we worry—you are steady.
  That when we fear—you are strong.
  That when we look to violence to protect us from evil—you stand in self-giving sacrifice for us, reminding us that love will change the world.

  Would you be our shepherd and guide us, even as we name your kingdom amongst us.

  In the strong name of the risen Christ we pray, amen.

• Service Songs & Prayers

  CALL TO WORSHIP Psalm 36

  MUSIC Curated by Kevin Borst
  Phil Wickham - This Is Our God
  Brooke Ligertwood - Banner
  Bethel Music -Raise A Hallelujah
  Cody Carnes - Made For More

  EXPANSIVE FAMILY DAY PRAYER
  Written by Bobbi Salkeld
  
  In the life of Jesus, we see an expansive vision of family. 

  From infancy, the father he knew at home was Joseph, his step dad. In ministry, he considered disciples his sisters and brothers. In death, he told his friend to take care of his mother, Mary. 

  And so, on this Family Day long weekend, we open ourselves to an expansive view of family. Through all of the roles in family that never fully capture identity, we seek belonging that keeps expanding. 

  Let us pray. 

  Are you someone’s brother? 
  Have you defended the young? 
  Have you been scrappy about justice? 
  Have you called to check in on the people who are your people? 

  We bless you, brothers. 
  May your loyalty lead to more love. 

  Are you someone’s sister? 
  Have you sat with a person as they cried? 

  Have you listened and tried not to interrupt an important story? 

  Have you given what you can to meet a need? 

  We bless you, sisters. 
  May your presence create spaces of love. 

  Are you someone’s parent or grandparent? 

  Have you nurtured the growth in someone else? 

  Have you taught what’s true and modelled virtue?

  Have you channelled energy into creativity and play? 

  We bless you, parents. 
  May your efforts lead to more love. 

  Are you an auntie, uncle, cousin, or best-friend-that-feels-like-family? 

  Are you a partner, spouse, or something not yet defined? 

  Are you a daughter, son, or single person who knows you’re whole?  

  Then you, all of you, participate in the ever expanding family of God.

  With or without title, 
  In the roles that make you proud, 
  trust that Jesus leads you into the ever expanding family of God to love and heal the world together. 

  Amen.

  SERIES BUMPER
  Becoming King